Loved You
by LA-ink13
Summary: Nell tries to talk to Callen about what makes a family and what he does have in his life. One-shot. Takes place after Reznikov, N. (05x04)


"He loved you," Nell said softly as she stepped out of the shadow. "You has a childhood, even if you can't remember it, with a father who loved you."

Callen took a deep breath and nodded. "I wish I could remember him."

Nell wrapped her arms around him from behind, and laid her chin on his shoulder. "We're getting closer."

"It doesn't help," Callen whispered. His hand briefly brushed Nell's before falling into his lap. "Just when I think that I find something, as soon as I think I'm getting close, I don't gain anything."

"You gained something, G," she said softly. "You finally know who followed you to the cemetery. You know that your dad is out there. You know that he never forget about you."

"It's not enough," Callen said as he turned to look at her. "No matter what I find, it will never be enough. No matter what I find, it can never bring back what I've lost."

Nell nodded. "I know. I know that we can never bring back what you lost, but you have to hold onto the fact that you learned something today."

"I thought I found him, Nell," Callen said as he turned to face her. "For one moment, I thought that I had found him. I thought that I would get answers, and that I would know the answers to some of the biggest questions in my life. Then he was dead. Then I found out that what he said didn't mean anything anyways."

"You didn't find out your name," Nell said softly. "And I'm sorry. I can't imagine what it must be like to not know something so basic as your name. But still."

"Still what?" Callen asked slumping back in his chair. "I don't know if I can keep doing it, Nell. I don't know if I can keep looking around for answers. I don't know if I can keep working for an agency. Some days I look at my life and I don't like what I see. I'm never going to have a normal life. I'm never going to have a 9-5 job and a wife and kids. Those things will never happen for me because I don't know who I am."

"That isn't true, G. So you don't know who you are. What's it matter? A lot of people know their names and spend years trying to figure out what they're meant to do."

"And?" he asked.

"And you're ahead. You have a job that you're good at. You have friends that are closer than family could ever be. And you have someone who cares about you that would like the chance to have a life with you."

Callen shook his head. "We've been through this already, Nell. You deserve someone better. Someone whole. Someone that can give you a life together where you don't worry every night if they'll come home alive."

"It doesn't matter what you think I deserve," Nell said softly. "That won't change what I want. And I want you."

"I don't deserve you," Callen said with a sigh. "I've come to terms with the fact that I'll spend my life alone. I understand that."

"You can keep pushing me away," Nell said with a frown. "But that won't change how I feel."

Callen nodded. "Go home, Nell. Please. Go home."

She nodded. "Fine. But tomorrow I'll be back at work. And so will you. And this will all still be there."

Nell turned and walked away, knowing that Callen was watching her every step. She wished that she knew what to say to him. She wished that he saw in himself what she saw in him. She wished that he would give into everything that he was scared to feel.

...

Callen knew that she expected him to go back to his own house, but he couldn't stop himself from stopping by her apartment first. She smiled up at him as she opened her door, but she didn't say anything. Instead just stepped aside and let him come in.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I shouldn't have pushed you away. I need to stop pushing up away."

Nell shrugged. "It's fine."

"No it isn't," he said with a shake of his head. "I shouldn't do it to you. I'm not used to having someone follow me around so much, telling me that they care, getting involved in my life. But it's no excuse to hurt you."

"I can stop," Nell said quietly. "I'll just come to work and I'll do my job. If you don't want me involved in your personal life than I'll stop."

"No," he said as he reached his hand out to her. "I don't want you to stop. I want you to keep pushing at me. I want you to stay in my life."

"In your life as what?" she asked. "Your friend? Your co-worker?"

"As you," he said simply as he pulled her into his arms and placed as soft kiss on the top of her head. "I'm not an easy person to know, Nell. I know that. And I don't know how to do this. Especially with someone that knows all of the little bit that there really is to know about me. I don't know how to work with someone and go home at the end of the day and miss them if they aren't with me."

She looked up at him with a sad smile. "I don't know how to either. I've always been the smart one. I've never been the one that guys thoughts about. I've always been about work. Flirting, let alone dating wasn't something I every worried about. But this is different. And I want to see where it goes."

He nodded. "Ground rules?"

"Nothing changes at work. No one needs to know. I don't want that pressure," she said quickly.

"Agreed."

"If one of us says they need to be alone, the other person honors that," Nell said.

"I disagree," Callen responded.

"Why?"

"If you're alone because you're tired or something, that's fine. But if you're alone because you're sad or hurt, I don't want to leave you alone with that," Callen explained.

"So if you reunited a family, and you were missing your own, and wanted to be alone?" she asked.

"I wouldn't turn you away if you came over," he answered.

"Can I get that in writing?" she asked, a smile tugging at her lips.

"What do you say?" he asked. "Think we can try?"

Nell nodded up as him and Callen felt his heart swell. He had never expected to fall for the small redhead, but somehow she was finding her way into his life and his heart.


End file.
